Roommates hate me and i can’t afford to move out yet

I’m trying to turn my life around, but the people I live with clearly haven’t forgiven me, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to live like this anymore.

I live in a shared house with seven others. This past year went completely off the rails. A close family member died suddenly, I’ve struggled with mental health, and school totally fell apart. I coped the worst way possible—by drinking too much, lashing out, and saying stupid things to my housemates while drunk. I never hurt anyone or did anything extreme, but I know I was a mess to be around.

The worst part is I actually want to stay where I am for now. I’m far from home, my finances are tight, and I was lucky enough to get a medical exemption to stay in school. If I can just make it through the next few months, live cheap but healthy, and keep saving, I’ll be in a way better place by fall. I’ve even got a few real options lined up—but I need to hold out.

The problem is… the people I live with are clearly done with me. I’ve apologized to every single one of them, both in person and by text. I even reached out to the landlord in case there were any complaints—he said he hadn’t heard anything and told me it was fine. I haven’t had a drink since late winter and I’ve told them I’m staying sober mostly out of respect for them. I’ve been doing my share of chores (even extra), and I’ve really tried to just stay in my lane and be decent.

But it’s like none of that matters. They barely talk to me. When I walk into the room, the mood shifts. They keep conversations short—yes or no answers, no eye contact. If I sit in the living room, the silence is heavy. I know I messed up, but I’m trying, and I just feel like the big bad wolf now. Like no matter what I do, I’ll always be the one they wish would leave.

So now I’m at a crossroads. If I move out now, it’ll crush me financially. Rent is expensive anywhere else, and I’m in no state to start working yet. If I stay, I’m stuck feeling like everyone around me wishes I’d disappear. My plan is to just keep my head down—do my part, say hi when I see them, and otherwise stay in my room drawing, reading, listening to music, whatever. Basically go ghost mode and let them do their thing.

But can I actually live like that for months, knowing I’m not wanted here? Would you? Or should I just cut my losses and move out now, even if it throws everything off track and sets me back another year?

I don’t expect them to like me. I just don’t know how to exist here without completely losing whatever little self-worth I’ve got left. What would you do in my shoes?