I feel drained by my friend’s constant mental health crises

Every time I get a message from her, my stomach sinks. I brace myself for something dark, intense, or scary—and I'm honestly exhausted.

I've been friends with this girl for over 15 years. We've shared so much over the years, and at one point we were incredibly close. But for the last few years, it's felt more like a one-sided emotional support line than a friendship.

She’s been struggling with serious mental health issues for a long time. She’s had multiple hospital stays, and I’ve always tried to be there. I’ve called her family when I was worried, stayed up late talking her down, and even considered calling an ambulance more than once. There was one time she texted me while I was at work, saying she’d slammed her head into a wall “for fun.” Not long after, she told me she didn’t want to be alive anymore. My boss was incredibly understanding and let me step away to deal with it, but that kind of thing stays with you.

She tends to only reach out when she’s in a really dark place. If I try to steer the conversation toward lighter stuff—or even just everyday life—she always pulls it back to how bad she’s doing. If I talk about anything good, especially my relationship, she shuts it down. When I got engaged, she told me she couldn’t hear about it because she was going through a breakup. I respected that. But when I’ve needed boundaries, it hasn’t gone both ways.

What really gets to me is how selective she is with her own limits. For example, during a rough patch in my life, I started using a fitness app to track my walks. She told me to stop mentioning it because it was triggering for her. Fair enough—I did. But she has no issue sending me photos from inside psych wards, talking in detail about self-harm, or bragging about how thin she’s gotten from not eating. She’ll say things like, “My cheekbones are finally showing,” or “I’m so messed up right now,” like it’s something to be proud of. I’m sorry, but it messes with my head.

I don’t want to be heartless. I know she’s hurting. I know she’s sick. But I’m not a therapist. I’m just a person with my own life and my own limits. And lately, all I feel when she contacts me is dread. It’s like I’ve become someone she vents to, not someone she actually wants to be friends with.

I’m not even sure what I’m asking here. Has anyone dealt with something like this before? I feel guilty for even writing all this, but I also know I can’t keep taking on the emotional weight of someone else’s crisis—especially when it never seems to get better.

I care about her, but I don’t know how to keep doing this without losing myself in the process.