Worried about my daughter’s relationship with her ex

I feel so sad for my daughter.

She was in a long-term relationship with her boyfriend, and she always dreamed of having children with him. For 10–11 years, he kept her waiting, saying he wasn’t ready but promising they’d try in a few years. Then, when she went to a gynecologist and found out she needed to act quickly if she wanted kids, he panicked and decided he didn’t want children at all. No explanation, no real reason—just a flat-out “no.”

She was heartbroken. It devastated her, and for months she was an emotional wreck. Watching her go through that pain as her parents was gut-wrenching. But eventually, she cut ties with him, went to Denmark, and had a beautiful baby boy via sperm donor—a dream she made happen on her own.

Here’s where things get tricky: when her ex found out she was pregnant, he tried to win her back. She didn’t take him back romantically, but she allowed him back in her life as a friend. Over time, he’s taken on a fatherly role for her son, and while he’s been great with the child, we’re concerned. They now spend every weekend together, Friday through Sunday, and while she insists it’s strictly friendship, she’s also dating other men—something she’s asked us not to tell her ex.

We’re worried about how this will play out. He babysits while she’s out with other men, and it feels like a ticking time bomb. Sooner or later, he’s bound to find out, and it’ll cause unnecessary drama for everyone, especially our grandson.

We also worry about his commitment. This man hurt her deeply in the past, and now that their son has grown attached to him, what if he just walks away again? Our grandson sees him as a father figure, but we’re constantly anxious that he’ll disappear one day.

We don’t understand why she allows him to be so involved after everything he put her through. She says she can never forgive him, yet she shares parenting responsibilities with him, accepts his gifts, and spends so much time with him. They’ve never had a proper conversation about their history, and neither of them seems interested in addressing it.

What would you do in this situation? We want nothing but the best for our daughter and grandson, but we just don’t trust this man. Should we let her make her own mistakes again? It feels so heartbreaking to watch.