Why don't other parents ever return the invite?

I have two kids, ages 7 and 9. Ever since they were in preschool, we’ve regularly invited their classmates and friends over for playdates, movie nights, baking sessions, or just to hang out after school. We really enjoy having a lively home and it’s always felt natural to include others.

But here’s the thing — the invites almost never go the other way. It honestly feels like for every 10 times we host someone, our kids get invited back once, if that. Some kids have been here multiple times and never once had our kids over to their place.

What makes it extra confusing is that when the parents come to pick up their kids, they often say things like, “Next time, you’ll have to come to our house!” And I smile and nod, thinking, okay, great! But then… nothing. Weeks and months go by.

My 9-year-old is getting more independent and sometimes sets up plans with friends on their own, which is great. But at this age, us parents still do a lot of the coordination. I can’t help but wonder — is something wrong with my kids? Are they not wanted back? From what I’ve seen, everyone seems to have a great time when they’re here. The kids laugh and play, and I often get told how kind and polite my children are. Teachers say they’re well-liked, helpful, and get along with many kids.

So why does this feel so one-sided?

I’ve even had a few parents suggest that their child could just come over to our place again — even when we’ve never been to theirs! That part makes me uncomfortable. It almost feels like inviting themselves over by proxy. I don’t want to be rude, but at the same time… is it okay to ask directly, “Would you be open to having our child over sometime too?” Or does that come across as pushy?

Maybe this is just how things are now? Maybe people are too busy or overwhelmed? Or maybe they don’t host because their home life is chaotic, or they feel insecure about their space. I don’t know. I just don’t want my kids to feel like they’re always the hosts and never the guests.

Curious to hear from others — do you return playdate invites? If not, is there a reason? And do you think it’s okay to bring this up with other parents?