Toddler tantrums are breaking me down

My 2.5-year-old has been high needs since birth, and the tantrums never stop. I’m crying before the day even begins. When does this phase actually end?

I don’t even know where to start. My toddler is 2.5 years old and has been what people call “high needs” since day one. I kept hoping it would get better with age, but right now, I feel like I’m falling apart. Honestly, I wake up and cry in bed before the day even begins because I already know how hard it’s going to be.

From the second he opens his eyes, it’s nonstop. Everything is wrong. He doesn’t want breakfast, but also doesn’t want to not have breakfast. I breathe wrong. I take a sip from my cup, and he loses it. I suggest playing with something or doing an activity together — full meltdown. I try giving him choices in small things throughout the day, but even when he chooses, he often changes his mind seconds later and screams because it’s not what he meant to pick. Like he asks for cheese on his food, I give it to him, and suddenly it’s “the wrong cheese” even though it’s exactly what he asked for.

I try so hard to stay calm and consistent. I’m firm but kind. I don’t give in to screaming or tantrums, so it’s not like the behavior is being rewarded. But it just keeps happening, and I’m honestly exhausted.

I’m currently on parental leave and wanted to use this time to connect more with him. Instead, I feel like I’m breaking. I’m often alone with the kids, and I honestly can’t even remember the last time I had a day with him that felt positive or fulfilling. It’s just constant tension. Even tiny things — like how I pick him up or how I look at him — can trigger another round of crying and yelling.

I know the “terrible twos” are supposed to be rough, but is this normal? Does it really get better? If anyone has been through this, I could use some encouragement. Or even to hear that I’m not the only one feeling like this.

Any kind words or survival tips are welcome 💔