Tired of drunk family ruining christmas

I’m so done waking up my drunk mom off the couch every Christmas while getting blamed for “acting out” just for being the only sober one in the room.

I’m 21 and I honestly don’t want to celebrate Christmas this year. Every time the holidays come around, I end up dreading it more than looking forward to it. My mom drinks way too much every night she’s home on leave, but somehow during Christmas, it’s even worse. She gets wasted, passes out on the couch, acts rude, says dumb stuff, and somehow I’m the one who gets blamed for “ruining the mood” just because I don’t play along with it.

She tells me I’m being difficult. I’m not. I’m sober. I clean up the mess. I stay calm. I bite my tongue. She can’t even go one night without drinking, even when we only have a few days together during the holidays. Just once, I wish she’d put the wine down and actually be present. But no—it’s always about how she deserves to relax and “enjoy herself.” Meanwhile I sit there feeling like the only adult in the room.

And then there’s my sister. She joins in, drinks with our mom, and suddenly they’re this mean little team. Making fun of me, whispering and laughing, making passive-aggressive comments about my clothes, my attitude, whatever. The vibe turns nasty so fast and somehow I always end up being “the one with the problem.” I’ve heard it all—how I’m cold, how I can’t take a joke, how I’m “the black sheep” of the family. Maybe I am. But honestly, if staying sober and wanting peace makes me the black sheep, fine. I’ll wear it like a badge at this point.

I know I’m not a kid anymore, but it still sucks. I don’t want to spend another holiday pretending this is normal or okay. I want to spend Christmas somewhere I feel safe and respected—not tiptoeing around my drunk mom’s mood swings or defending myself from the sister-mom duo after their third glass of wine.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for here—maybe just to vent. Maybe to ask: has anyone actually walked away from Christmas with their family and felt better for it? Because I’m seriously considering not showing up this year.