My selfish daughter is 19 and still acts like a spoiled kid

Is there any hope that my 19-year-old daughter will ever start considering others? At this point, I’m starting to think she never will.

Her two younger brothers, who are just 10 and 12, seem to have far more empathy than she does. They actually show interest in the family, notice if I’m having a bad day, and even ask if I need help. My 12-year-old, despite being sick for days, dragged himself to the mall to buy Christmas gifts for his siblings and me. My daughter, on the other hand? Didn’t even seem to consider it—she gave nothing to anyone.

She has a job and makes decent money (she still lives at home and grudgingly pays rent), so I think I have every right to be disappointed in her attitude.

She only helps around the house after I’ve reminded her 15 times—practically shouting at her to move. And when she finally does something, it’s half-done, leaving me to finish up after her. If I ask her to come back and do it properly, I get accused of always criticizing her.

Trying to have a conversation with her is impossible. No matter what I bring up, she responds with grunts, sighs, or exaggerated eye rolls.

She has zero interest in her family. Her youngest brother recently told me he doesn’t think she even likes him because she never wants to spend time with him. If he asks her to do something together, she almost always says no—and she has never taken the initiative herself to include him.

The day after Christmas, I finally snapped. She had spent the entire day locked in her room while the rest of us watched movies and played board games. She didn’t bother spending even five minutes with her family. When I started doing the dishes, I told her she could at least help with that. She ignored me. After the third reminder, she finally snapped back, telling me to stop nagging because it was Sunday. That was it for me.

I told her I was shocked at how selfish she had become, that she was completely oblivious to how hurtful her behavior was—not just to me, but to her brothers too. She just threw back the usual excuses: that all she ever gets in this house is nagging and criticism. Then she slammed the door in my face.

That’s when I told her, through the door, that I was done. She needed to find her own place to live after New Year’s.

Now, of course, I regret saying that. But should I actually follow through? Maybe this is what she needs to finally grow up.

And before anyone asks—yes, she has always gotten plenty of praise, affection, and encouragement. She’s heard “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” her entire life. But now that she’s 19, she should be able to handle a little constructive criticism. Even her younger brothers act more mature than she does at this point. 🤷‍♀️

I honestly don’t know what I did wrong with her. And it hurts. 😞