Is my 7-year-old’s behavior normal or something more?

I have a 7-year-old daughter, and we’ve faced challenges with her since the day she was born. Even as a baby, she slept very little, was hard to soothe, and it could take hours to get her to sleep, even when she was clearly tired. We were completely drained.

She has always been extremely active. Motor skills and language development were way ahead of her peers—she was riding a bike without training wheels before turning 4, and we removed the baby gate at 1.5 because she had mastered climbing the stairs. When she was in “stair mode,” as we called it, she would go up and down over and over, getting extremely upset if we stopped her.

Now, at 7, she seems to be in what people call “early puberty” and has been for about a year and a half. She’s defiant, stubborn, angry, and frequently rude. Several times a day, she has “episodes” where it’s impossible to reach her. These typically happen when we need her attention to give instructions, but instead, she starts dancing, looking anywhere but at us, or breaking into exaggerated movements while grinning or laughing in a way that feels intentionally challenging. If we ask her to stop, she just doubles down, laughing more as we grow increasingly frustrated.

Sleep is a MAJOR issue. She just won’t fall asleep at night. We wake up at 6 a.m. daily, and we believe she should be in bed by 8 p.m., but she rarely falls asleep before 9 p.m., and more often closer to 10 p.m. Keeping her up later doesn’t help—it just shifts her sleep time even later.

Following instructions or focusing on tasks is a constant struggle. She’s also clumsy and uncoordinated, not because she lacks ability but because she rushes through everything, making her movements fast and imprecise.

At school, she’s excelling academically—among the top in her class. Her teacher’s only concern is that her fine motor skills are underdeveloped compared to her academic level.

I keep wondering—could this be ADHD? I’ve considered it, but her father disagrees. Or is this just typical kid behavior?

For context, we also have a 5-year-old who’s completely different—cheerful, easygoing, and sings all day. The sisters get along well, with only minor, normal squabbles. They love playing imaginative games together.

What could be going on here? Any advice or similar experiences?