Is it selfish to feel gift-giving is one-sided?

My sister has four kids, and I have none (yet). I love them, but I’m starting to feel like the family's gift-giving dynamic is financially and emotionally lopsided.

Let me start by saying this: I love my sister’s kids to bits. I’m the kind of aunt who shows up, remembers birthdays, and genuinely enjoys giving gifts. But lately, especially around birthdays and holidays, I’ve been feeling this quiet, growing discomfort — and I don’t know if it makes me selfish or just honest.

My sister has four children. I don’t have any (yet), though I’m trying. Her oldest is turning nine soon, and as you can imagine, there are many gift-giving occasions spread out through the year: four birthdays, plus Christmas, baptisms, and eventually confirmations and graduations. It still adds up fast even if I’m not buying expensive gifts — say $30–$40 per child.

And it’s not just me. My mother, bless her, spoils her grandkids like crazy. She loves doing it, but there’s no denying that most of the financial and emotional “giving” in our family flows in one direction — toward my sister and her children. And while I completely understand that kids are a huge part of a family and they deserve to be celebrated, I can’t help but feel a bit… displaced.

There’s no equivalent back. No return gesture. And I’m not saying there should be — I get that a 7-year-old isn’t going to Venmo me a thank-you. But when you’re child-free (whether by choice or circumstance), you start to notice that you’re constantly expected to give time, money, energy, and never really receive in the same way.

And to be brutally honest, part of me wonders if I’ll ever get to have that dynamic in return. Will I ever have a kid of my own who gets doted on? Will my sister’s kids care about me the way I care about them when they’re grown? Will they even remember the effort?

I know it sounds petty. I know it’s not my sister’s fault. It’s just how things are. But still — it stings a little sometimes. It feels unbalanced. It makes me feel invisible in the family dynamic, like I’m just “the giver” and nothing more.

And no, I don’t walk around stewing over this every day. Most of the time, I’m happy to show up with a wrapped gift and a smile. But once in a while, when the budget’s tight and the calendar is stacked with kid events, I catch myself thinking — “Is anyone even noticing how much this takes?”

So tell me honestly:

Is it wrong to feel this way? Am I an awful person for even thinking it?

Or are there others out there — child-free siblings, aunts, uncles — who’ve felt this too?