How do you handle an emotionally immature parent?

I don’t like my mom. There, I said it. Ever since I was a child, there’s been this distance between us. We’ve never gotten along, and honestly, we’re just completely different people. From our sense of humor to how we see the world, we’re on opposite ends of the spectrum.

She’s the type to make promises but back out at the last second. Over time, I’ve learned not to expect anything from her, but now that her behavior is affecting my kids—her grandkids—it hurts even more. She always finds a way to make her problems bigger than everyone else’s and dismisses other people’s struggles, all while dramatizing her own.

She’s unpredictable, too. One day she’s cheerful and pleasant, the next she’s a storm no one saw coming. I’m not the only one who notices this. My dad’s side of the family sees it, and my siblings see it too. In fact, my siblings have even acknowledged how differently I was treated growing up. It’s validating to hear them say that, but it’s painful to know that it’s true and still ongoing.

She has a way of making people feel guilty for things that aren’t even their fault, and she’s perfected that skill. I want so badly to have a good relationship with her, but it feels impossible.

How do you come to terms with the fact that you and a parent are just so different? Has anyone else dealt with an emotionally immature parent? How do you handle it and protect yourself from their unpredictability? I’d love to hear how others manage these kinds of relationships.