How do you handle adhd meltdowns in kids?

I’m completely drained—every time something unexpected happens, my child with ADHD has a full-blown meltdown, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up.

We have two kids, and one of them has ADHD. The emotional reactions are intense, especially when something doesn’t go as expected or feels “unfair” in their eyes. I’m not talking about your average whining or sulking. I mean full-on outbursts, yelling, crying, refusing to calm down, and sometimes even throwing things. It’s emotionally exhausting for everyone in the house.

Tonight’s meltdown happened because we had an unplanned visitor right before bedtime. That meant the usual routine got pushed, and we ran out of time for the audiobook he normally listens to before sleep. We explained, offered to make time for it in the morning, even let him watch a little cartoon to settle down—but none of it helped. It escalated fast, and by the end, bedtime was way past due. Meanwhile, our other child—same bedtime, same changes—just accepted it and moved on.

This happens all the time. Any shift in the plan, no matter how small, can lead to chaos. I feel like we’re constantly walking on eggshells, trying to keep everything predictable just to avoid the next explosion. And I’m so tired. I love him deeply and want to help him feel safe and supported, but the rest of us need peace too. It’s like the whole family revolves around preventing the next blow-up.

So I’m reaching out to other parents—what actually works? How rigid do your routines have to be? Do you ever find a balance between structure and flexibility? And how do you not completely burn out trying to keep everything from spiraling?

I’d honestly appreciate any real-life advice. Not theory—just what’s helped you get through the tough days.