Feeling drained: my daughter expects too much from us

I’m starting to feel my age catching up with me. I’m completely drained of energy, but I still want to be there for my kids and grandkids as much as possible.

My husband and I have children and grandchildren from previous relationships as well as our shared children. This means a lot of people rely on us—for babysitting, helping out, and just being involved in their lives. Most of the time, we manage, but lately, we’ve been dreading the fact that our eldest daughter is expecting another child.

She already demands so much of us. She expects us to be involved in everything—attending every event, babysitting often, and hosting family dinners multiple times a week. We frequently pick up and drop off our grandchild at daycare, and they ask us to have sleepovers often. Saying no isn’t an option—they don’t take it well, and it becomes exhausting dealing with their persistence.

If all our kids and stepchildren were like this, we wouldn’t have a single moment to ourselves outside of work. What makes it even more frustrating is that our daughter is well-educated and has a stable job, and her husband is a successful engineer. They’re more than capable of managing on their own, yet they seem completely dependent on us to make their lives function.

Because of this, we barely have the energy or time to be present for our other grandchildren. It feels unfair that one child takes up so much of our time while the others get whatever’s left over.

Now that our daughter has told us she’s expecting again, we’re feeling torn—happy about a new grandchild but dreading the added responsibility. We know we need to set boundaries, but we don’t want to dampen their excitement or cause tension.

Since a new baby is a natural turning point, we feel like this could be our chance to change the dynamic—but how do we approach the conversation without hurting anyone?