3 year old not talking much or engaging socially

Hi all,

I'm really struggling with something and would appreciate hearing from anyone who has been in a similar situation. My 3-year-old is developing quite differently than other kids his age—or at least that’s how it feels to us. His speech is very limited. He says single words, sometimes puts 2 or 3 together, but doesn't form sentences. He can only really talk about what’s happening right in front of him. He doesn’t refer to things that happened earlier in the day or things that are going to happen, and abstract language seems completely out of reach for him.

His speech is also very unclear—to the point where only I and his father can understand what he's saying most of the time. He still babbles a lot. Socially, he becomes very uncomfortable when there are others around. He’ll hide his face or crouch down when someone speaks to him. On the playground, he usually avoids other kids and prefers to play by himself. He mainly plays with cars or Lego, and occasionally with puzzles. New clothes, new shoes, or unfamiliar places really upset him. He also walks on his toes quite a bit.

We’ve been trying potty training for a while now, but it’s slow going since he doesn’t seem to understand what’s happening or how to express when he needs to go.

I’ve suspected either autism or some kind of speech/language delay for quite some time. However, both the daycare and his doctor have brushed off my concerns. The daycare says he’s fine. He was observed by the educational psychologist team about five months ago, and they said they weren’t quite sure but thought it might improve on its own. Their explanation—and the doctor’s—was that he had fluid in his ears and enlarged tonsils, which may have caused hearing issues. They wanted to wait until after surgery before taking further steps.

Now he’s had surgery—tonsils removed and tubes placed in both ears—about six weeks ago, and honestly, we haven’t seen much improvement since then. He’s still not really talking, not engaging, and the behaviors haven’t changed. We’ve spoken to the health nurse again, and they keep saying “wait and see.” But this is our only child, and we have nothing to compare to. Deep down, I feel something is off.

Has anyone here been in a similar situation? Did things eventually improve, or did you end up getting a diagnosis? What are the next steps I can take to actually get help and answers? This is such a heavy thing to carry on your own when everyone around you says it’s probably nothing.

Any advice, experiences, or even just someone who understands would mean a lot right now.